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desire

Автор: stranger
Дата: 09-06-05 01:15

Fernando Aidinian Mastrangelo

Desire

Desire. One may speak lightly, but the object of it tramples upon us by the burden of completion. The desire to exist, the desire to wander like headless sheep, the desire to be desirous of everything at the same time. Hot or cold, the only true desire is to desire the thing. The object of desire itself. This thing is the external which subjects itself to the existence of need. One must dance, one must write, create. The desire lives within the confines of the abstract. The abstraction is the notion of ambiguity which nestles the emotion or impulse to be driven toward reality. One may describe desire as a need. One may also say that desire is the ability to dream out loud. When a dream is solidified into memory, the ache for it vanishes. We become trapped between the unity of reality and illusion. Desire is a fraudulent translation of ambition. It can not persevere in the completion of its faint presence.
Purity is a convolution of ideas which create a framework for disaster. True purity can only exist in a theoretical mindset; a Utopian delusion which fails when handled by human instability. There are natural desires which provoke behaviors without question of intention. Are those desires the only purity that exist? As we begin to die from the moment of birth, human-made ideals of desire are controlled and manipulated by influences of the undeniable other. The other, in this case, being a source of controlwhich fosters ideas which are interpreted as natural human traits. The only true desire (based on the fundamental of need) is the desire to die. Love, religion, spirituality, art, hunger, and everything in between is simply a falsification of a prerequisite to lead an ideal life. Because true desire is a feeling which we as humans have labeled as "need" there is a constant game of contradiction being played. Need for what? I have seen the lives of others. I have experienced my own life through the understanding of others. I wish to live as others have. That is not desire; that is a truth which is fabricated by conceptions of grandeur. This impurity is concealed by the external, and the only escape is through consciousness. One must be conscious that desire is false, and become content with the idea that one's life is controlled by the other.
There is one desire, as false as it may be, that can be explained on an aesthetic paradigm. It can be accounted for as a metaphysical ideology, the desire for beauty. This desire is the common thread that weaves one's internal existence with the external diversities. A paradox of push and pull, a search for individual clarity. In believing or thinking that beauty exists, I am therefore made pure through the search for it. Never to be found, I am still driven as a race horse of passion to find the ultimate totality of being. For we speak lightly of many things, desire is one that will forever chase its demise. Allow the whisper of its beauty to exist in theory, and hope that someday it will seep from dream to reality.